Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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