i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize