I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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