ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Houston, we have a squirter
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
