I hate your face
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
