She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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