My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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