the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
You smell like a Billy Joel song
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
