...so i touched it.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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