How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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