Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
