also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Randomize
