you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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