Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
