It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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