Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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