You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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