Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
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