God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Randomize
