i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize