It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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