I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
It's official drugs can't kill me
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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