he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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