I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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