You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize