Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
