I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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