We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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