I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
