Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
