you mean i was at the winter classic?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
