i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
She announced her abortion via fbk
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
