i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
