and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Threesome in a minivan. New low
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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