I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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