sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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