I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
