My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
