Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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