You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
So apparently I’m into choking now
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