Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
