Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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