Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
