Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
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Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
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