you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
