I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
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