Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
