I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
