just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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