I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
