No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
