All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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