hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
