he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
