i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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