dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
