Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
