I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
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