this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Never joke about your clitoris.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
