Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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