Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
