my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
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You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
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the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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