Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
