I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
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We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
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Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
So I just went to clothing optional bar
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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