i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
